It's cold outside tonight. Almost as cold as last night. Quiet, so quiet, only an occasional car driving in the distance, and the crickets singing, and the wind in the trees. And now, purring. Friday kitty has settled near me, and is purring loudly. Such a comforting, soothing sound, that is.
I am looking forward to this weekend. I'm going to attend a Nonviolent Communication workshop geared toward teachers, which is something I've been hoping to find for almost a year. It is in Durham, NC, someplace I've never been before. I am excited that this will count as my professional development training for the year through the Choral Arts Society, and that they will fund the registration fee...which makes it possible for me to attend a workshop like this, which came up out of the blue a couple weeks ago. And I found out earlier today that someone there is willing to host me for the weekend, so I won't have to pay for a hotel. Awesome!
I am so grateful for Nonviolent Communication. I sure have a lot to learn, that is really clear. But these trainings have given me real-life meaningful tools to learn to listen better, both to other people and to myself. What am I feeling? What are the needs that are/are not being met? Empathy used to be a vague idea to me, something that was at best, Buddha-like compassion, and at least, a thin cover for pity. But now I understand the truth of it - empathy is merely a practice of showing up, listening to what needs to be heard, and having no agenda in that process. The last part is so important, too...and so hard!
The tools I am gathering through NVC are much like the tools I am gathering in our Wisdom Circles. Listening is the heart of it. For years and years I wished to be a better listener. I wanted to be able to show up for people and take in what they had to offer in conversation. But much of the time, I just couldn't do it. I have so much energy, so many things to say, so many ideas of how to change the world! But in that last bit came the downfall of the first two - I came with an agenda. To fix what needed fixing. To save the world, that was my goal. But I didn't understand that to save the world, all I would need to do is hold space for others to give birth to their truths, while giving birth to my own, too.
It is a hard thing, to listen to problems, complaints, suffering, confusion, drama. I find myself wanting to offer solutions and ideas, ways to make things better. And the heart of that is sincere, pure. I want to help! More than anything, I want to help! But what I am learning one day at a time is that help doesn't mean offering my own ideas most of the time. It means merely offering my presence and my open mind and heart, and merely listening, and accepting what is offered without judgement. Little by little, this is beginning to happen more easily.
The workshop at hand fills me with new excitement - what if NVC could be offered to little kids in Washington, DC, built into programs that fit my current work as a teaching artist? What if little kids from bad neighborhoods could learn that there are other ways of dealing with people and problems besides violence in action and in words? What if little kids could be given the true freedom to express what needs expressing, feel what they feel, and have people listen to them with respect? It's probably a long shot - kids who grow up in violent households won't be utterly transformed in five short visits from me. But I have hope that I can plant a seed. In little minds and hearts. In teachers. In classrooms. Nothing would be more fulfilling than to find ways of bringing peace into the lives of these kids...peace, not as an abstract idea, but as a practice, a way of life. Yeah!
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