Breathe

I am sitting here at my desk, purring Friday kitty by my side in the green chair. I have just returned from a beautiful evening of community and intimate, meaningful conversation at our monthly Wisdom Circle. There is a pronounced chill in the night air, and what a surprise after yesterday's streak of hot weather!

I am sitting here, breathing in the midst of what wants to become a panic attack. After having acupuncture this afternoon, I was hoping that I would feel more grounded and centered in my body, and to some extent I do. But I also feel anxiety banging at my back door, threatening to come in and immerse me. I called Ali, and she kindly reminded me about focusing on the exhale helps, as well as the beautiful help that my dear beloved friends, plant essences, can offer. I have just used some Geranium and Clary Sage, and am feeling a little calmer.

There is a part of me that has experienced a very raw taste of the true vulnerability of life. I have seen just how fragile life is, and how quickly it can pass. And my own mortality is staring me in the face. I, too, will come to a time when my last breath will leave my body. In this moment, there is a part of me that questions the panic that is looming...as always with a panic attack, there is always the idea of something far worse that could be happening. Sigh. As I talked to Ali, she asked me some pertinent medical questions, and said with compassion and understanding that I am fine, I am young, and I have just been through a tremendous amount of emotional and physical stress. I know that she is right. But there is always that question in the back of my mind that says, "yes, but Familiar kitty's illness crept up when he seemed fine, too..."

I am feeling a little calmer right now as the Geranium and Clary Sage are settling into my body. I have also taken a 5HTP for stress. Now, a good night's sleep with a warm, golden kitty is in order.