Living in Service

Overcast, gray sky. Less cool than yesterday. (I learned in Peru that on days that the sky was overcast, it was warmer.) Still and quiet, save for the motors rumbling and the neighbors - teenage girl, that is - talking loudly and slamming doors. But in spite of that, it still feels quiet, I suppose I am feeling quiet inside myself.

So many things swirling around in me right now. Ideas, feelings, questions.

I just received an email from a friend who has been travelling in Southeast Asia for some time now. She was lucky to be unaffected by the recent natural disasters in the area, and is talking about heading to the Phillippines to volunteer with Hands On Disaster Response if they set up an operation there. And my mind wanders back to my short time in Peru, doing the same...that's where I met her, in fact. What hard work it was! Bricklaying and mixing concrete, and busting up the remains of old buildings with a sledgehammer and pickax, and shoveling out load upon load of rubble. Not only that, being in a place destroyed by a natural disaster doesn't afford much opportunity to wander down to the coffee shop for a little quiet time and writing...haha! It was a challenge to be in the midst of a bunch of volunteers with big hearts and able bodies, but a lot of partying and drinking. But it was such a beautiful thing to work so hard for the good of humanity, without asking anything in return. Just amazing!

As a part of my Anatomy & Physiology class last semester, I was required to do "service learning." A list of "pertinent" organizations had been provided to students, most of which were involved with standard western healthcare. Having no interest in supporting those organizations with free labor, I chose to volunteer for Our Daily Bread in Baltimore. This organization offers one free meal a day to anyone who shows up, no questions asked. I had hoped to experience a meaningful connection with people in the community - both those who we were serving and my fellow volunteers. And it did my heart so much good to just offer people bread, to laugh with them, to honor their humanity (which isn't what the Baltimore homeless experience on a daily basis, I'm guessing). But some of the fellow volunteers were beyond difficult to work with. My first day, I was criticized for serving too much vegetarian food on each plate (which was my job) - and there wasn't enough left over for the volunteers to have a free lunch of mac and cheese. I couldn't believe it...this man was a regular volunteer, and a devoted Catholic, and he was irritated that I gave too much food away to the freeloaders...

One of the best books I've ever, ever read is "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson. In the realm of serving humanity, he is a Saint. The story begins with him attempting a climb of K2, the 2nd highest mountain on Earth. He fails, after having to do an emergency rescue of a fellow climber, and sets off toward "civilization." He ends up lost on the glacier, and stumbles into a tiny, off-the-map village: Korphe, Pakistan. They feed him, care for him, give him a place to sleep, and after a few days, he fell in love with the whole village, promising to return and build a school for the children of the village. All in all, this amazing man built more than fifty schools in a remote part of Pakistan, offering the only alternative to the fundamentalist "madrassas" in the region, which were training schools for extremists. He managed this on his own, learning the languages of each region, and building personal trust with the villages and even the Mullahs - he was pretty much a hero in the area. I have never wept more reading any book in my life. My heart was opened again and again, sometimes painfully so - to read the real story of a man living right now who was devoted to bringing more good to the world for no other reason than the good of that! He is an incredible inspiration to me, and reminds me of what my own power in this world can be, if I offer my service from the heart, and work to make my visions into reality. If you haven't read this book, please do!

So, that brings me back to the idea of right livelihood. When I returned from Peru in August 2008, I knew that some things in my life would need to change. Realizing that not everyone is willing or able to go through the deep, cathartic healing that Mother Ayahuasca brings, I was guided to begin working in ways that offer healing to others. I followed my love of plants into doing a class in Medicinal Aromatherapy - which has changed my life! I followed my inner guidance, too, in finishing my Reiki training and becoming a Reiki master - in order to pass along this amazing healing energy to those who wish to work with it. And now, I am nearly finished with massage school, which will allow me to bring healing and peace to those who come to me for massage. These things hardly seem to compare to building schools in rural Pakistan, or to volunteering my time to help communities recover after major disasters have struck, but it is a step in the direction that I want to live. I feel deeply moved for my life to be lived in service in meaningful ways. I want to live beyond Self, beyond my own needs and desires, to give my energy to things that really do help others to live more meaningful lives, too.

One more thing that is surfacing after last night's chair massage event at school is how to navigate my own sensitivities, energetically. I gave five or so chair massages, each between 10-15 minutes long. And when I left, I felt like the residue of all of those people was still with me. I used Spikenard oil before going to work, to keep me grounded, and in tune with people. And I did feel grounded and in tune with people, very much! But what is an interesting conundrum is how to be in tune with people, and then how to walk away completely. I posted this question on facebook last night, and received a couple of helpful answers: bath salts, and closing the energy lock behind the teeth. I also received a lot of advice that I just don't connect with - visualization and intention stuff. I feel like those are techniques that are fed by the New Age movement, and the whole notion of manifestation that comes from "The Secret." And I'm so happy that they work for a lot of people. But to me, they just don't have any power - I can imagine myself in circles, but that just creates more noise in my own energy field. Too, the deeper I go into my own work with Medicines, the more sensitive my energy field becomes...it would be beyond worthwhile to dedicate my next ceremony to this question. I have received great insight in the past, including the idea of "closing the gates" energetically...but now, I feel that I need a practice that will allow me to move through the energies that I pick up *after the fact.* Bath salts sound like a really good idea. But beyond that, I'm still sending the question out there to the Universe.