Avatar and Mother Earth

After a long, seemingly endless time in the dark of my own soul, I am emerging again. And I am emerging with anger and ferocity that I have not felt within myself in a long time. It is an anger that guides me toward true north, and helps me to shed all that does not serve.
And now, my anger is in response to the movie "Avatar," which chronicles the destruction of a beautiful planet by the US military, in hope of raping and pillaging the land on that planet for their own greedy purposes. To me, this is the truth of the very story that has been happening right here on Mother Earth, and it is a story that I have been familiar with for a long time. And it is a story that has plunged me into the depths of despair and hopelessness, feeling that there is nothing that I, just one woman, can do to make a difference. But in spite of that hopelessness, this anger is rising within me again, rising like a phoenix from the ashes, pointing me in the direction of my own life's deeper purpose.
This morning an old friend of mine published a comment on his facebook wall about the movie, saying that it was far from a "life changer." He is from the south, a good Christian man, and while that has rarely felt like an intrusion into our friendship, the undercurrents of our vastly different beliefs have surfaced on occasion. And here, I can't help but wonder, do the vast majority of Christians really, truly believe that the Earth is here for our domination and taking, and that it doesn't really matter what happens here, that only what comes beyond this life is of any importance? Because if they do, there is truly no hope for the planet. We will collectively continue to rape and pillage Her until we become extinct ourselves. Do these people *truly* believe that Jesus wants it this way, that this is the will of God? Do they believe that honoring the Earth herself as holy and sacred is profane and dangerous, pagan, even evil? I can't even begin to comprehend that way of thinking and living.
There is no Daddy God in the Sky out there who is going to save our wretched asses from our own foolish actions!!
In order to really "save the environment/planet/Earth" we must move beyond the simple ideas we have implemented that are just not enough. Recycling is good, and should absolutely be required by law...and it's not enough. We must use less, change our attitudes, leave behind our disposable culture. Reusing is essential. We are lazy fucks, for the most part, and need to get over it. Reduction of our waste generation is absolutely required. Wealth does not equal the choice to manufacture endless crap, then cast it aside, and then manufacture more endless crap. That is childish and fickle at best, and is causing great destruction. Beyond this, energy use is changing, too. Hybrid electric vehicles, solar and wind power, and the like are really good steps in the right direction. But we still demand what we want when we want it. What will bring us to CHOOSE to use less, drive less, need less? We are slaves to our comfort, to our convenience, to our whims and desires, and they are costing a great deal more than money.
Ultimately, there is no true solution possible unless we step down from our high pedestal as humans, the dominant species, and become a part of the family of Mother Earth, along with the plants, minerals, waters, and animals. We must drop our human-centric nature, and learn to love the whole Earth as our brothers and sisters, ancestors and children. AHO.

More Change

Things are changing at the speed of light. I am feeling that in spite of my choices in the last months of moving into living more simply and slowly, the world is changing more and more around me. And right now, all I have is surrender. Surrender to the flow that knows its path, even when I don't.

Lynn sold her house today. I can't believe it. Not having her living across the street from me is the worst idea in the world. I love her beyond words, and I want nothing more than to have her living across the street from me for the rest of my life. And the truth is that she sold her house today, and will probably be moving within a month. Unbelievable. And in spite of the devastation of that news, there is something in me that is in the flow, that can accept it and move with it.

Alan, my friend and catsitter, moved in with her a year ago, renting the lower level of her house. And as soon as he told me that Lynn sold the house, a flash ran through my body. I knew that I needed to offer him the possibility of being my roommate. I didn't say so right away, I waited until he was coming by for dinner tonight. I sat with the idea briefly, and said, "do I really want to do that? Can I give up my meditation room? Am I really ready to share my space, which has been mine alone for nearly eight years?" And the flash that had moved through made no uncertainty in its wake. I knew that the answer was yes. Not only would it help me financially, it would help Alan to stay in this community. And he is so connected to Friday kitty, it seems like a perfect match.

I have been remotely contemplating a roommate for a while now. My apartment isn't ideal for a roommate, and I knew that it would have to be the right person. The space is small, and my needs regarding peace and cleanliness and green living are clear. I knew that I couldn't just live with some random roommate, but someone who was in the same mind as me regarding lifestyle. And surely, if Alan decides to accept, it will take some getting used to. Some negotiating our individual needs for harmonious cohabitation. But the clarity I feel about it is astounding. This is the thing that I needed to offer now. If I want to live in community, I may as well start at home, right?

I feel like I am standing in the calm center of a hurricane right now. Familiar passed, Lynn sold her house, change is swirling all around. But I know in my heart that all will be just as it should. It is my responsibility to show up with full presence as the waves swell, and now that I am feeling more like myself - more centered, less fearful - that is much more possible. Once more, the prayer of St. Francis comes to mind - "Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace." Yes.

Creating the Day

This morning, I awoke and began my day as I begin most days: up, bathroom, internet. Usually, I find myself greeting the world for a new day online before I make it out into the world around me. This has been true for a long time, and it has also felt not-quite-right for a long time too. What would the day feel like if I didn't make this desk and this computer my first greeting to the world?

I remember someone talking about consciously creating the day from the film, "What the Bleep do We Know?" It always sounded like a good thing, but I must admit, I've never really given it a chance. Sure, there are some days that are so very full that I have no option but to follow through with the plans that I have made. But other days, days like today, I wake up and have no particular plan for many hours...these are the days that could use some consciously creating. Otherwise, I may just spend the first hour of my new day checking emails and seeing what's up on facebook...

I feel like one of the reasons I've NOT chosen to begin my day with intention is out of resistance. Not to the idea, in particular, but to the thought of having to make a commitment to what my day will hold. There are so many days when things are asked of me, time commitments, engagements, the need to get certain things accomplished. And so often, on days that have few commitments, I just want to leave it open, to let it all be as it will be. And I hear a need for freedom beneath that desire. And yet, I don't often find more freedom. I often find myself in my house, online. This is not contributing to my joy, for the most part...it is merely a habit. One that is coming up for consideration at this moment.

So, instead of getting up and greeting my day in a way that nurtures me, and helps to cultivate the way I want to live, I get up and go to the computer. I often delay breakfast in order to take care of the things that must be attended online. Sometimes breakfast becomes lunch, and sometimes I end up being so rushed that I don't have time to eat anything really good at all. All because I didn't consciously choose to go and have a bowl of fruit or something. (Fortunately, even taking the time to write this has made me more aware! I have just prepared myself a bowl of fruit.) But, I usually have fruit, and if enough days pass when I'm not consciously choosing to eat that fruit, it spoils! Double waste. Wasting my time, not taking care of myself, and wasting the fruit, and the money I spent to purchase it... This is definitely NOT the way I want to live.

There are so many ways that I could spend the first hour of my day, practices that do nourish me...and it's been a long time since I really engaged in any of them on a regular basis. I used to do "morning pages" writing, a practice of journalling from "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. I also used to practice yoga at home. At one point, I was beginning each day with meditation...and the weather is still nice, so I could be doing this on my porch. And then, there's taking a walk... This is the point where I often hit overwhelm...so many options, which one will I decide...I end up deciding on none of them consciously, and ending up right here in front of the computer once more.

When I'm in Peru, I go to the internet cafe in order to get online. There is virtually no personal internet service there, and for S/2 an hour, I am able to go and either plug in my own computer, or just use one of theirs. This makes using the internet a special daily event. And my usual usage was about 30 minutes. What a treat, to see who has been in touch, or to take care of things that need attending. But because of the way things are there, I don't have the option to get online throughout the day every day...maybe this is a real gift. My time is free for other things.

I am feeling that part of a solution would be to simply choose ONE of the above nourishing things to begin each day. Some days it will surely be clear. Other days, maybe I can just randomly choose one. I think it probably doesn't matter so much which way I choose to begin the day, only that I consciously choose something that is in alignment with the way that I want to live. I may not be able to choose every thing that must occur in every day. But I can choose something. I just need to consciously choose it.

And if I begin to consciously choose to begin my day with something that nurtures me, I will be much more likely to keep choosing those kinds of things when I have the options later in the day. There is so much frazzledness around me...people always in a hurry, never having the time to take care of themselves, never having time for things that they would enjoy...only doing what they have to do. And while my life tends to be much more chill than that most of the time, if I am not consciously creating another way, I will get caught up in the ambient madness of a culture in a hurry.

What I am feeling beneath this idea is a real sense of peace, the little voice inside of me says, "oh, really, could we do this??" This way of living is a small change, but it is a change made in the name of self-care, of self-love. I have a collage on my wall right not that has a quote: "Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong." Yes, it sure will.

I have been feeling caught up in a culture that makes no sense to me. And I have been feeling a resistance to it all. But I am beyond aware of the idea, "what you resist persists." I haven't been able to see an alternative to it, other than allowing it to swallow me whole, which makes me want to run away as fast as possible! But in this moment, I am seeing the seed of another option: don't worry about the rest of the world, just take care of yourself in the way that feels the most nourishing and joyful. If I choose to follow my own needs, the culture won't necessarily create so many problems in my daily life, not directly... It's worth a try, for sure. Otherwise, I will continue to feel unhappy, and complain, and still not be living any closer to the way that feels right.