Too tired to touch it much tonight. My body aches, and my head feels heavy. If my car is determined fixable, I will be thoroughly stunned. I slammed so fucking hard into the woman's car who was in front of me, and I am still reliving that moment of impact. I am completely flabbergasted by the whole thing. I have no idea how the accident happened. I was clearly at fault, but have nothing but a blank spot in my memory of what preceded the impact. All I know is that I was driving and paying complete attention (as opposed to the many moments when I drive and do many other things) and the next moment, my car is slamming into hers, and my chest began to ache from the impact. I thought at first it must have been from hitting the steering wheel, but tonight a friend suggested that it could be from the way I was holding the steering wheel at the moment of impact, that the force of that was carried into my body, and has thoroughly bruised and strained my muscles in my chest. It is rather uncomfortable, but it could have been way, way worse. Seeing a large kitchen knife beside my gear shifter after the car had stopped was the thing that sent me over the edge. Knowing that that knife had been in my back window since June, and could easily have stabbed me in the back of the head...yikes.
But I am blessed and safe and only jarred and bruised. My car is probably totalled. What a day, what a day...
I am without a car through Monday, for now, too. The rental car places were fully booked for the whole weekend, and I am at the mercy of my feet and friends to get me where I need to be. I am hoping for an acupuncture appointment tomorrow, but that is dependent upon getting a ride there and back...I am praying for that. God knows I could definitely use some needling.
For now, though, I am warm and cozy, here with my kitty and the first Harry Potter book - which I am reading for the first time. A little magic in my life couldn't hurt. =)
I was in a car accident in 2003. It was only me and a snowy Frederick Co. back road. I remember everything about that night except the crash itself. I remember the poor road conditions, I remember slowing down, being extra careful, being very vigilant and "defensive" about my driving. I remember reviewing in my head all the winter driving tips I had learned and mastered in driving school back in MOntreal while driving on that slippery back road.... I remember loosing control of my car. I remember going through ALL the safety procedures, the braking/handling manoevres. I remember seeing that tree in the ditch, the tree I was about to hit. And then nothing.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember hitting the tree, I don't remember turning off my car's engine, I don't remember how long I was unconscious in my car (seconds?? minutes??) before a good samaritan knocked on my window. I don't know how I remembered to grab my violin and purse on the back seat when the gentleman offered me a ride home. I never realized my airbags had deployed until the State police called me at home. Only then, I checked my chest and saw the bruising. Only then I realized why my face was so red and raw, and that the ski lift ticket that had cut my lip wasn't attached to my jacket anymore...
To this day, I am still haunted by some of these unanswered questions. I still wonder if I could have done anything better or different that night, and change the outcome of my accident. I was devastated when I learned that my beloved Corolla was totaled (that's when I realized how bad my accident was...) I am now grateful that my car "died" to save my life. You can replace a car, easily, but you only have one life.
The night of my accident was one of the best night of my life. I had been dating Paul for almost a year, and we were soon to be married. Paul was on tour in Florida, and I was staying at his (our) house to take care of Bessie. That night, Bessie took care of me. From the moment I walked in the house with my bruised/bloody face, and no car, she knew something bad was going on. She followed my every move that night, and slept/cuddled with me. She never left my side, asked to be fed, or to go outside until a good/familiar friend showed up the following day. Only then she agreed to leave me for a moment.
My accident was an epiphany in many ways. I realized how fragile and vulnerable I was. Some deep friendship were tested/created/destroyed. And a true bonding was created. My dear Bessie officially adopted me, two weeks before I was married to her "dad".
My accident changed my life. It changed my perspective on life, and love,and friendship, and priorities, and values. Not drastically, but enough to offer a new and different angle. Sometimes I feel grateful for that accident. I got to buy the Subaru of my dreams (heated seats are amazing after a Wagner opera), I got to forge this eternal bond with an amazing dog, and I tested my emotional and physical strength.
Hang in there my dear. Don't be afraid to cry, lay low and ask for help. Let your friends be there for you, and take care of you. Take it all in, the bad, and the good the scary. Eventually you will see the light, and find peace.
With all my love and friendship,
Lysiane xoxo